I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
