My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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