It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
