I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize