She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
