puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
