In America we eat man semen.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
