You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Come on in and take your pants off
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