If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
