well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
