he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
