There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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