quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
