I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
