did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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