Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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