you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
