Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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