I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
