just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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