You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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