you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
