I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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