I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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