and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
