I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
