Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
