okay pat passed out under dana's car
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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