Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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