i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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