so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
