2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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