Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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