Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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