It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
