Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
