I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Panties = found
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