Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
