eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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