THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
