We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
