I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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