hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
