Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
