mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
