You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
