I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
