just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
