Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
