Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
