I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize