Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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