I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Vodka?
Forever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
