It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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