did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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