omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
