I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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