PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
