Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
