Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
