I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
