Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
