And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He did a backflip because drugs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
