I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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