I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
