my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
