Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
