Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
