I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
